If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
