I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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