Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
