What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
