ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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