I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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