just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
