she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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