also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
