Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
