Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
