The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
