what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The struggles of a small town man whore
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
