I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
