At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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