I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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