we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
