she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
