I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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