so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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