Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
