I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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