Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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