Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
