is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
