You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
