i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
