Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
