Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
