It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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