I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
