Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
