either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
