help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
