Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
