So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
