LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
