dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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