i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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