Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
