she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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