were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
