It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
