new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
