i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
