She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
