I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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