Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
