You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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