How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
